Come Get the
Hippest Cup of
Coffee in Town
by Professors Pub
110 East Main St.
Your Iced Quad Venti
Two-Pump No-Whip
2% Mocha
by Starbucks Coffee
436 East Main St.
Yeah, babydoll- I got your cup of coffee right here.
Have it in a booth, at a table or the bar.
And you know what- you can have that coffee for free.
The tasty free coffee comes with free wireless internet, which I had long before anyone else.
Or play Wii or N64 on one of my big-screen TVs.
Got a movie you want me to put in?
Not a problem.
Savor my fresh-brewed coffee while playing a classic board game with friends.
I got 'em all.
Or challenge them to a pinball tournament- you know you're better than them.
Hell, if you get bored with my delicious coffee, switch up to one of the dozens of craft and seasonal beers I keep on hand.
Can't do that at other coffee shops, can you?
See you soon.
What's that?
You got a cup of coffee at the gas station earlier?
Yeah- it's not doing the trick, is it?
No weak-ass, watered-down American-style coffee is going to compare to the espresso-infused beverages I make you.
Besides, the gas station didn't offer you a mango iced-scone and the latest Eric Clapton CD, did it?
No, I didn't think so.
What's that?
Yes, you CAN add another shot of espresso to that venti Iced Mocha.
That makes four shots total- just enough to get you through that movie.
You can come back for more afterward, just get here before I close at 11.
If you need to, you can buy some of my awesome coffee to make at home.
I've got Columbian, Sumatran, Breakfast Blend- all of your favorites.
I'll even sell you a specialized coffee maker that you could only find in Brookstone or Sharper Image before.
Just remember- it's only to get you through the night.
I'll be back open at 6 a.m.
I'll Be Here
Forever,
Bitches!
by Susan's Coffee and Tea
623 East Main St.
Susan's Coffee and Tea Going Out of Business
by Steve Floyd
Post Kent Reporter
How dare you newbie bitches disrespect me!
I have ruled the coffee game in Kent for decades- and not by accident.
I have outlasted dozens of other shops, cafes and restaurants on this strip.
The only reason Starbucks has its posh location is because I ran Brady's Cafe out of business.
Admittedly, customers may not have liked waiting 40 minutes for a cup of dirty coffee- but I did raise the bar.
Kent State opened their own "Jazzman's Cafe" in the Student Center, but the students and faculty keep crossing the street to me.
Maybe it's because I call a "large" a "large."
No "grande" or "venti" bullshit here.
I've got cozy booths, couches and a patio with free wi-fi.
I've got great soup and sandwiches.
There's even live entertainment, when I feel like it.
So bring it on, "competitors."
I'll be here long after you're gone.
"It's getting dangerous to sell legal drugs to college kids," said Susan's owner Linda Smithers. "I'm taking this offer to sell and getting the Hell out."
Smithers is fleeing to a safehouse she's already established in Florida.
